"So...." Here it comes. That's the wind up. He's ready to deliver the punch. It's the question he has no answer to, but doesn't dare to put to his own wife. With a smirk and a cock of the head he floats it across the table like an obnoxious fart, impressing himself with his brilliant condescending sarcastic challenge:
"So....What do you DO all day?!
And there it is. Very unoriginal. Not the first time I've been asked that question. Won't be the last. "Well, first of all, go fuck yourself"
"No seriously, I want to know"
"No you don't. You just want me to start telling you what I do as a 'stay-home-mom' because you think your wife has got it pretty easy doing the same things at your house while you're out there 'bustin' you ass' every day."
"I just wanna know how hard your life is," he says with a smirk.
"Well, I usually just sit around eating Bon Bon's and watching Oprah, Ellen and The View so I'll have something to talk to the other wives about at Pilates. And then I meet your wife at the Spa for a Mani-Pedi date and an Avacado-Topsoil facial. After that I usually have to take a nap 'cause the Mimosas make me sleepy."
"C'mon. I know you must do stuff" - still sarcastic - " How do you 'moms' fill the day, every day."
"Well, let see. I won't including all the lawn mowing or snow shoveling of course, because I only have to do that whenever it's needed. You must have to do that stuff yourself .... oh, but you have your driveway plowed, right? No matter. Ummmm.... There's the dogs, but they just need food and water a couple times a day, occasional baths and combing, vet visits, grooming appointments and stuff. There's the kids, but they just need food and water a couple times a day, occasional baths and combing, doctor appointments, haircuts.... I mean, of course you KNOW that they need to dressing, transporting, education, homework, love and affection, guidance, support, safety and stuff, right? You must have meant, how do I keep myself busy with the women's work like doing all the laundry, delivering your dry cleaning, cleaning the table and the kitchen after every meal, keeping the house sorta clean every day, and making food appear in the fridge and on the table with my magic wand, cleaning up after you and putting up with your obnoxious ass, right? Does fixing all the things they break count? Well, I dunno. Let me think about it.... .....What exactly do YOU do all day, Mr. Fantastic?!"